This page is one of our publicly available resources addressing mental and emotional wellness. To see a list of the other public pages related to mental and emotional wellness, mouse over the Mental and Emotional Wellness tab at the top right. Adapted from this original post. Do You Love Someone with Depression? If you love someone who struggles with depression, you may not know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they’re sad, distant, and may push you away. It’s important to know that you can help them have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness and they need you just as they might if they had the flu. Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping them through a difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term. 1. Help them keep clutter at bay. When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they’re slowing down while the world around them speeds up. Mail may end up in stacks, dishes and laundry pile up as they feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine. Giving them some extra help and keeping chaos in check can give them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment. 2. Fix them a healthy meal. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that fast food or ordering online is easier than fixing a meal.Read more

This page is one of our publicly available resources addressing mental and emotional wellness. To see a list of the other public pages related to mental and emotional wellness, mouse over the Mental and Emotional Wellness tab at the top right. Adapted from this original post.  1. Depression is a mental illness, not a negative outlook, and not a choice. Try to avoid telling someone with depression to think positively or change their outlook. Being blamed for bringing depression onto yourself by wrong-thinking can make matters worse. 2. Initiate making time together. Reaching out to others can feel impossibly daunting for someone with depression, even when company is badly wanted. 3. Statements like “Everyone has bad days” or “I used to feel like you but I got through it” can be powerfully diminishing, minimizing, and even shaming. These might be intended to help but can contribute to a person’s sense that they’re incapable. 4. They may be struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide and feel unsupported by those around them. It can be helpful to initiate a direct, authentic, supportive, non-judgmental conversation about these topics. Making light or joking about self-harm or suicide can be harmful. 5. Expressing feelings can be hard and exhausting when depressed. Try to initiate conversations by asking them if they want to talk about how they’re doing. Try to make yourself available to listen and hold safe space for their emotions. 6. Start a conversation about sleep deprivation. Lack of sleep can trigger depression or make it last longer,Read more

Originally sent by email to a small group of individuals, Jessie agreed to let this be posted so “this information, which I have worked so hard to discover, over time, might … be available to the people who need it …” I had to sit on this a while before I figured out what I could add that was helpful. I realized that for me, a psychiatrist is pretty much just someone with the right set of initials after their name. To me, it’s much more important to investigate the office setup, workflow, and resources than to pick someone with whom you have terrific rapport. Things to consider: Are they covered by your insurance? What is the standard turnaround for medication refill requests? How many days a week are they in their office to take calls, and what type of availability do they have for follow-up appointments? Do they have any support staff? How responsive will they be to an urgent request for paperwork or records? Is there someone in the office who knows how to use a fax machine? How long will it take them to coordinate a prior authorization request with your insurance company if the new year turns over and one of your expensive, tier 4 psych meds is now not covered for a stupid reason, you only have 1 day of medication left, and the med has a terrible associated discontinuation syndrome? Do you expect to be receiving any controlled substances? If so, will you be requiredRead more

This page is one of our publicly available resources addressing mental and emotional wellness. To see a list of the other public pages related to mental and emotional wellness, mouse over the Mental and Emotional Wellness tab at the top right. “Hey all! When I spoke [at the April RA] mental health panel I mentioned I’d made a handout for supporting folks who are dealing with PTSD. Here it is!  – Kai” Strategies for the survivor Ground – get yourself back in the present Deep breathing (breathing into the abdomen for a count of 5, holding the breath for a count of 1, exhaling for a count of 10) Detailed visualization of something that makes you happy (your dog, your grandma, a beautiful island, your birthday cake from 3rd grade – whatever works) More techniques here! Learn how to ask for support from friends or family Use online/hotline resources – these are free, anonymous, and available 24/7 Consider seeking therapy with someone who specializes in trauma Strategies for the survivor’s partner Make sure you have people you can go to for support when your partner is triggered (it’s good to clear this with your partner beforehand so they do not feel their privacy has been violated) Use online/hotline resources – they’re for friends and family too, not just for survivors! Things to do when someone is triggered Ask the person what they need – space, touch, some tea, maybe a nice cat video…? Have this discussion at a neutral time – i.e., before the person isRead more

If you or someone you love is considering suicide: Despite what we’re told by our culture, considering suicide is far more common than generally recognized or admitted. In many ways, suicidal thoughts are your mind’s way of telling you that something in your life has reached an intolerable point. One of the ways that our community tries to support those of us who consider suicide is by compassionately accepting them where they’re at, and by opening space safe enough for them to share about what’s causing intolerable pain. If you or someone you love is considering suicide, contacting a suicide hotline can also be an invaluable resource. These hotlines have trained professionals who can talk, listen, share resources, and help with safety planning. Because calls are anonymous, no direct intervention is possible, allowing callers to protect their privacy, retain their autonomy, and still receive help. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 Seattle 24-hour Crisis Line: 206-461-3222 / 1-866-427-4747 Public pages relating to mental and emotional wellness on this site: 10 Ways to Support Someone with Depression 10 More Ways to Support Someone with Depression PTSD: How to Support Your Partner (and Yourself!) Jessie’s thoughts on seeking treatment for mental health Everything is Awful and I’m Not Okay – questions to ask before giving up

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So, you’ve heard or read about Relationship Anarchy (RA) as a philosophy describing ways to shape your relationships. It’s also a tightly-knit community in the Seattle area. The idea for the group came about in July 2012 when three metamours sat on a grassy hill discussing the ways we each shape our polyamorous relationships. As we talked, we each described something we felt was missing – a way to connect people within our existing community, a recurring event where we could talk openly about our relationships and learn from each other, a supportive space where we could help each other through the challenges inherent to non-traditional practices. We held our first discussion event in October 2012. Each event that followed brought a few more attendees. Discussions typically focused on aspects of ethical non-monogamy, but we encouraged any of our friends who might want to talk about their relationships to attend. We knew we needed to underscore the importance of participating in person. We knew there was something powerful in having these vulnerable conversations openly in each other’s presence. We knew we needed a space that was safe enough for all of us to openly be our most authentic selves. That’s why we’re regionally focused. It’s why we don’t have a public forum online and why we’re not a public group. Most of our events are held in our homes. Many people in our community aren’t publicly out about certain aspects of their relationships. And all of us have found it invaluable to share a space where we can be our messy, authentic, imperfect, brilliant, beautiful selves. So, then, why do we call ourselves relationship anarchy?

You’ve heard about the Relationship Anarchy (RA) group organized in the Seattle area. But RA is also a philosophy describing ways to shape relationships. Between 2004 and 2008, Swedish blogger // genderqueer relationship hacker Andie Nordgren (and others) explored, developed, and defined some of the fundamental ideas that shape the philosophy of relationship anarchy. Andie Nordgren’s The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy was published as a pamphlet in 2006 (in Swedish: “Relationsanarki i 8 punkter”). Those guideposts are now translated and interpreted across a spectrum. Marie Crosswell distills relationship anarchy into explicitly essentialist terms in Relationship Anarchy Basics, defining exactly what a Relationship Anarchist Is And Is Not. Wesley Fenza, on the other hand, describes relationship anarchy as a framework that can be compatible with polyamorous relationships (Polamory vs. Relationship Anarchy). All that being said, these perspectives all share common elements – stepping away from societally prescribed relationship hierarchies, choosing to be self-responsible in determining the core needs and values that shape your relationships, and aspiring to grow and evolve your relationships based upon practices of trust, respect, communication, and the belief that love can be abundant. So, yeah: spectrum. Or, as some some folks in our group like to say: The path is wide.   So then, how does the philosophy of RA relate to the group?

We’re a group of people who get together each month to openly discuss the ways that we shape our relationships. Our topics tend to focus on aspects of consentual non-monogamy, but that’s not requisite for attending. So then what’s requisite for attending? Our code of ethics: Our events are for people who feel strongly aligned with our community’s code of ethics. Please read and understand our code of ethics. It’s important to us. One of the facets of our code of ethics that we’d like to highlight is respecting the identities of the people who choose to come and participate. One of the ways that we do that is a pronoun round in each group wherein each person will be asked their pronouns. You may never have thought of your pronouns and that’s okay. Please let us know the pronouns that you use in your daily life. It’s a matter of fundamental respect of people to respect someone’s pronouns and part of that is to treat the process with respect. It’s a privilege to never have thought of your pronouns, so we ask you to be respectful and conscientious throughout this process and in this space. This means that it is not acceptable to make jokes about gender, sexuality, or pronouns themselves at RA. Another is supporting each other through our mistakes and triumphs. For example, you may misgender someone or say something thoughtless. Please know that if you do, another community member may gently correct you. What’s important whenRead more

In a culture that limits the definition of relationship, we seek to expand it. We value the vast dynamic diversity that exists in the ways we approach and shape our relationships. The path is wide. Empathy & Compassion We treat each other with care and respect in ways that stretch beyond tolerance. We seek to erode and dispel shame in the space where we celebrate, process, and support each other’s dazzlingly different choices, experiences, histories, perspectives, explorations, difficulties and triumphs, regardless of whether they are congruent or divergent from our own. We honor each individual’s expression of identity; including and not limited to relationship structure, spiritual practices, sexual identity, gender identity, culture, race, ethnicity, age, physical ability, emotional ability, mental health, class, or musical preference. We strive to dissolve preconceived ideas, assumptions, and judgment of those differences. Nobody’s relationship looks exactly like another’s and we think that’s fucking rad. Radical Authenticity We give and are given the opportunity to manifest radical authenticity with each other, to go deep with less fear of condemnation for our identity or our choices. We are invested in each other, through mistakes and triumphs. Social Connectedness We believe in the ineffable magic of showing up; we strive to engage each other in-person. Relationships are an important and powerful vehicle for change. We seek to create and strengthen relationships in a purposeful effort to restore, maintain, and enhance our well-being. Evolution Through Agency Our most profound resource is the quality of what we offer each other. By showing up and creating space forRead more