In a culture that limits the definition of relationship, we seek to expand it. We value the vast dynamic diversity that exists in the ways we approach and shape our relationships. Relationship Anarchy as idea or philosophy Seattle Relationship Anarchy Our Code of Ethics New member information   Calendar (private) Topic suggestion form Retreats    

So, you’ve heard or read about Relationship Anarchy (RA) as a philosophy describing ways to shape your relationships. It’s also a tightly-knit community in the Seattle area. The idea for the group came about in July 2012 when three metamours sat on a grassy hill discussing the ways we each shape our polyamorous relationships. As we talked, we each described something we felt was missing – a way to connect people within our existing community, a recurring event where we could talk openly about our relationships and learn from each other, a supportive space where we could help each other through the challenges inherent to non-traditional practices. We held our first discussion event in October 2012. Each event that followed brought a few more attendees. Discussions typically focused on aspects of ethical non-monogamy, but we encouraged any of our friends who might want to talk about their relationships to attend. We knew we needed to underscore the importance of participating in person. We knew there was something powerful in having these vulnerable conversations openly in each other’s presence. We knew we needed a space that was safe enough for all of us to openly be our most authentic selves. That’s why we’re regionally focused. It’s why we don’t have a public forum online and why we’re not a public group. Most of our events are held in our homes. Many people in our community aren’t publicly out about certain aspects of their relationships. And all of us have found it invaluable to share a space where we can be our messy, authentic, imperfect, brilliant, beautiful selves. So, then, why do we call ourselves relationship anarchy?

You’ve heard about the Relationship Anarchy (RA) group organized in the Seattle area. But RA is also a philosophy describing ways to shape relationships. Between 2004 and 2008, Swedish blogger // genderqueer relationship hacker Andie Nordgren (and others) explored, developed, and defined some of the fundamental ideas that shape the philosophy of relationship anarchy. Andie Nordgren’s The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy was published as a pamphlet in 2006 (in Swedish: “Relationsanarki i 8 punkter”). Those guideposts are now translated and interpreted across a spectrum. Marie Crosswell distills relationship anarchy into explicitly essentialist terms in Relationship Anarchy Basics, defining exactly what a Relationship Anarchist Is And Is Not. Wesley Fenza, on the other hand, describes relationship anarchy as a framework that can be compatible with polyamorous relationships (Polamory vs. Relationship Anarchy). All that being said, these perspectives all share common elements – stepping away from societally prescribed relationship hierarchies, choosing to be self-responsible in determining the core needs and values that shape your relationships, and aspiring to grow and evolve your relationships based upon practices of trust, respect, communication, and the belief that love can be abundant. So, yeah: spectrum. Or, as some some folks in our group like to say: The path is wide.   So then, how does the philosophy of RA relate to the group?

We’re a group of people who get together each month to openly discuss the ways that we shape our relationships. Our topics tend to focus on aspects of consentual non-monogamy, but that’s not requisite for attending. So then what’s requisite for attending? Our code of ethics: Our events are for people who feel strongly aligned with our community’s code of ethics. Please read and understand our code of ethics. It’s important to us. One of the facets of our code of ethics that we’d like to highlight is respecting the identities of the people who choose to come and participate. One of the ways that we do that is a pronoun round in each group wherein each person will be asked their pronouns. You may never have thought of your pronouns and that’s okay. Please let us know the pronouns that you use in your daily life. It’s a matter of fundamental respect of people to respect someone’s pronouns and part of that is to treat the process with respect. It’s a privilege to never have thought of your pronouns, so we ask you to be respectful and conscientious throughout this process and in this space. This means that it is not acceptable to make jokes about gender, sexuality, or pronouns themselves at RA. Another is supporting each other through our mistakes and triumphs. For example, you may misgender someone or say something thoughtless. Please know that if you do, another community member may gently correct you. What’s important whenRead more