This page is one of our publicly available resources addressing mental and emotional wellness. To see a list of the other public pages related to mental and emotional wellness, mouse over the Mental and Emotional Wellness tab at the top right.
Adapted from this original post.
Do You Love Someone with Depression?
If you love someone who struggles with depression, you may not know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they’re sad, distant, and may push you away. It’s important to know that you can help them have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness and they need you just as they might if they had the flu. Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping them through a difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay. When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they’re slowing down while the world around them speeds up. Mail may end up in stacks, dishes and laundry pile up as they feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine. Giving them some extra help and keeping chaos in check can give them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment.
2. Fix them a healthy meal. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that fast food or ordering online is easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this or neglecting to eat can degrade their health, causing their depression to deepen or lengthen. Help your loved one keep their body healthy.
3. Get them out. The benefits of getting outside are huge. And it’s possibly the last thing they’ll want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun. Take a leisurely hike or plant a garden.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling. If they’re able to articulate what they’re going through, it will help you both understand what you’re dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action. Feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats their solitude can help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care. Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Hygiene, haircuts, the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard and they don’t deserve the care in their minds. This can snowball quickly into deeper feelings of worthlessness. “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” Give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them. Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 30 seconds can release feel-good chemicals that elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people may not want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything can give them a lift.
7. Laugh with them. Telling a joke, watching a comedy, or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage them to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings. They may be feel worthless, angry, and guilty. They may be afraid that they’ll end up alone. Reassure them that you are there for the long haul and their depression won’t scare you away.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts. A depressed person can get caught in a mental loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these with your observations. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure – here are the things you’ve accomplished.”
10. Remind them why you love them. Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.