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Adapted from this original post. 

1. Depression is a mental illness, not a negative outlook, and not a choice. Try to avoid telling someone with depression to think positively or change their outlook. Being blamed for bringing depression onto yourself by wrong-thinking can make matters worse.

2. Initiate making time together. Reaching out to others can feel impossibly daunting for someone with depression, even when company is badly wanted.

3. Statements like “Everyone has bad days” or “I used to feel like you but I got through it” can be powerfully diminishing, minimizing, and even shaming. These might be intended to help but can contribute to a person’s sense that they’re incapable.

4. They may be struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide and feel unsupported by those around them. It can be helpful to initiate a direct, authentic, supportive, non-judgmental conversation about these topics. Making light or joking about self-harm or suicide can be harmful.

5. Expressing feelings can be hard and exhausting when depressed. Try to initiate conversations by asking them if they want to talk about how they’re doing. Try to make yourself available to listen and hold safe space for their emotions.

6. Start a conversation about sleep deprivation. Lack of sleep can trigger depression or make it last longer, although it’s probably not the only cause. Try to talk with them as kindly as possible and sort out together what may cause sleep deprivation in their daily life.

7. Support them as much as you can. It’s sometimes very hard, but can make big difference in their recovery.

8. Educate yourself. If you know their typical behavior, you may be able to direct them to get help before they realize they need it. Symptoms are different everyone.

9. Take care of yourself. Put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else. Being in a close relationship with someone who struggles with a mental illness can be exhausting. Take the time you need to recharge to avoid burn out and resentment. Keep doing things you enjoy, surround yourself with a support system, and seek out therapy or a support group for yourself.

10. Encourage them to seek professional help. In the end, you can’t make them better. You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s mental health. You can help them, you can be their support, and you can love them. But if they are going to get better they need help from a qualified professional.