We’re a group of people who get together each month to openly discuss the ways that we shape our relationships. Our topics tend to focus on aspects of consentual non-monogamy, but that’s not requisite for attending.
So then what’s requisite for attending?
- Our code of ethics: Our events are for people who feel strongly aligned with our community’s code of ethics. Please read and understand our code of ethics. It’s important to us.
- One of the facets of our code of ethics that we’d like to highlight is respecting the identities of the people who choose to come and participate. One of the ways that we do that is a pronoun round in each group wherein each person will be asked their pronouns. You may never have thought of your pronouns and that’s okay. Please let us know the pronouns that you use in your daily life. It’s a matter of fundamental respect of people to respect someone’s pronouns and part of that is to treat the process with respect. It’s a privilege to never have thought of your pronouns, so we ask you to be respectful and conscientious throughout this process and in this space. This means that it is not acceptable to make jokes about gender, sexuality, or pronouns themselves at RA.
- Another is supporting each other through our mistakes and triumphs. For example, you may misgender someone or say something thoughtless. Please know that if you do, another community member may gently correct you. What’s important when that happens is that you apologize and correct yourself, not that you shame yourself.
- Safe enough to speak authentically: Our events seek to create a space that is compassionate and empathetic enough for all of us to speak authentically. We also want to distinguish between safety and comfort – we want you to feel empowered to sit in and feel supported in your discomfort so you may live on your learning edge. If you’re wondering what that means, please introduce yourself to someone in the community and ask what it means to them.
- Show up & participate: We are an in-person discussion group. We serve and are sustained by those who understand the importance of showing up and participating.
How do you show up?
If you know someone who might find our discussions valuable, bring them with you to a future event. It’s critical that you participate in their showing up. Don’t send them on their own. Meet with them, talk about our community expectations, arrive together, and introduce them to the people you’ve met. It is your responsibility to participate in how they show up.
If this is your first event you’d like to show up again, please speak with one of the co-organizers.
Discussion events are the 2nd week of every month. Details go out about a week in advance. Other events are scheduled ad hoc.
How do you participate?
One of the ways that we create a space that’s safe enough to share authentically is by respecting each other’s privacy. When you participate in a discussion and when you talk to others about RA events:
- Speak about your own personal experience.
- Leave out the identifiable information of others.
- Get consent before sharing another’s person’s story.
Please be responsible for your own needs. If you need something (the bathroom, a glass of water, to leave early, emotional support), please take care of that.
And please leave no trace. If you brought snacks, please take your leftovers with you when you leave. If you use glassware, silverware, dishware, please put it in the dishwasher, or wash and put it away before you leave. If you move any furniture, please replace it before you go.
You’ll see that we use hand signals to facilitate our discussions. These gestures are borrowed and adapted from the Occupy movement‘s process for General Assembly, from American Sign Language, and from other groups.
 |
 |
 |
|
R // Response: “I have something to say.” |
G // Go: “The person I’m pointing at has something to say.” |
C // Clarifying Question: Clear, concise, closed, & requests clarification. |
Accessibility
SCENTS:
Please help us support a fragrance-free space, by attending chemical and fragrance-free. A Fragrance-Free Zone is a smoke, fragrance and chemical free area, designed for those who report mild to serious reactions to these items. (http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/07/being-scent-free/)
INTERPRETERS/TRANSLATORS:
Currently, RA does not provide interpreters. We are working on ways to rectify this. If you have skills in this area or have interest in participating to make this happen, please contact Kellie. We will update here with a list of available languages (Spanish/ASL/etc.) as available.
CHILDCARE:
Currently, RA does not provide childcare for this event/meeting. We would love to work towards supporting members with children. If you have any interest in assisting this process, please contact Kellie).
FOOD/DRINK:
Food and drink are sometimes brought to/available at meetings/events. If you need to bring food for yourself you are welcome to do so. There is a microwave available for use. Please be mindful of any mess you create and clean up if possible. If you would like to bring something to share you are welcome to do so but plan to take any leftovers with you. Please consider having an ingredients list readily available (such as on an index card).There is water available from the tap/faucet. Please let the house/event coordinator know if you have a serious allergy and we will work to accommodate that if possible. This could look like an announcement asking anyone bringing food to not bring something containing a particular allergen or asking the event space owners about possible accommodations.
SELF/GROUP CARE:
We encourage all attendees to take care of themselves before, during and after this event. Caring for ourselves and others is important in this work and we want to make sure everyone takes some time to think about what they might need. Some of our topics may be difficult or triggering for some members. Below are some suggestions that may be useful, especially if you think some of the content may be triggering for you:
—> Attend the event with a friend and/or support person. Or have at least one person who knows you will be attending this event that you can reach out to if you need support.
—> Think about what might be best for you before, during and after this event. Some examples might be: Planning downtime or to be around people who support you in taking care of yourself. Bringing a meaningful object with you that will help ground/comfort you during the event (something you can wear, hold in your hand and/or look at are often helpful).
LOCATIONS:
Accessibility information for specific locations will be included in event information.
For any other accessibility need, please contact a member of the Co-Organizer team.